Probably Didn’t Cross Her Mind

03/27/2015 § 7 Comments

Chocolate Cookies

We’re in the back because we’re rejects, not good enough for the bake sale.  Doesn’t she know what this does to a cookie’s self-esteem?  I’m so depressed.

Will the CEO Listen to an Irate BOWL?

03/26/2015 § 6 Comments

Plastic Bowls

The woman who wrapped us at the factory said that we would be lovingly used for food.  She probably says that to all the bowls.  Clearly, we’re going to be dirty-water catch basins.  I’m going to report that woman.


03/25/2015 § 9 Comments

Gnarled Trees

No, that’s a fine approximation of a haunted tree, Godfrey.  The reason I’m not scared out of my mind is that it’s 10:00 a.m.

Not Heart-Shaped, Either

03/24/2015 § 13 Comments

Wrong Heart Color

That’s the last time I buy a ticket to the Kentucky Derby on craigslist.  How could I know that the tickets aren’t red this year?


03/23/2015 § 25 Comments


Old MacDonald had a pig.  My current condition is a scathing indictment on what happened next.

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