As an artificial Christmas tree, this is my favorite time of year. I’m the focal point of the house for December and entombed in a box in the basement the rest of the year. How could a family be so insensitive?
We’ve been grouped on this table for the sole reason that we’re all white and gold. Don’t assume that I want to be your Facebook friend or follow you on Twitter.
I’m Gildolph, the gold-nosed reindeer. Just my luck that when Santa needed a shiny-nosed guide, I was off relieving myself.
You want to go outside to experience gliding on real snow. You sleigh me, Victor.
We’re pine cones and berries and feathers resting on fake snow inside, while there’s green grass outside. Is no one else bothered by this arrangement?