11/22/2013 § 8 Comments
This is torture! Bright Autumn sunlight gets to me anyway, and today I have a migraine. All I want to do is lie down in a dark, quiet room. The chance of that is like getting my novel published: “You mean to say someone’s mum wrote this?”
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07/10/2013 § 12 Comments
PLANTS! I know our window blind is closed, but this is NOT a miracle! It’s just sunlight coming from the dining room window. I’m sure that the soul-searching you just did wasn’t wasted, but you’re not going to have to account for your lives just yet. Still, if you have any addictions, vices, or bad habits, use this as a wake-up call to root them out. Even near-religious experiences don’t come along every day.
06/21/2013 § 8 Comments
Good morning. Let’s begin our executive session. You are, for obvious reasons, chairmen of your respective committees. Now we need to elect a leader from among ourselves who has the strongest backing, who has the most solid base of support, and, after what happened to poor Spindly, who won’t come unglued.
06/17/2013 § 13 Comments
SPEED BAKE! It’s Left Rear here. You are not having a heavenly vision! A glass knick-knack on the windowsill is causing the rainbow, so quit singing at the top of your lungs! You’re going to feel pretty silly in 15 minutes when the rainbow is on me and I just put on sunglasses.
06/14/2013 § 7 Comments
Listen carefully, everyone. The next conference will start in an hour. We were carefully chosen for this entrance to convey an air of professionalism, but you were all goofing off last time. I don’t want to see any of you slouching or chewing gum, or hear any of you passing gas when anyone is around. All I have to do is say the word and you can be reassigned to restroom duty. You can break wind all you want there without breaking rules.