The Daily Graff: Mon.-Fri.

Has a BIG Problem

J. A. Robinson — Fri, 24 May 2013 04:05:54 +0000

I can’t figure out how I GOT here. The Lilliputians who have their pictures taken around me certainly didn’t carry me here, and I haven’t seen any giants. I want to be useful, but the largest fruit around here are only as big as peas. I can just SEE my resume in 5 years: “Empty Basket (5 Years).” I just can’t think my way out of this.

The “World’s Largest (hand-woven) Basket” in Dresden, Ohio, made from 10 hardwood maple trees and requiring 2,000 employee hours of work to complete. For images of the World’s Largest Basket (period), see the Longaberger Basket Headquarters Building.

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I Thought That the Beds NEEDED Water

J. A. Robinson — Thu, 23 May 2013 04:55:22 +0000

I’m glad that the landscaper didn’t like straight lines. It’s so nice that we can talk to each other face-to-face. The only drawback is that we have to shout to our distant relatives over there. Our second cousin Edna talks nonstop, so I’m glad she’s not in our row. We have our own problems with little Timmy’s bedwetting.

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We’ll PAUSE While You Think of a Better One

J. A. Robinson — Wed, 22 May 2013 04:05:27 +0000

I hate it when people point at me and say, “Look at that giant VASE!” I am, of course, a highly sophisticated vahse. It rhymes with “OZ.” “What’s the difference,” you ask? A vase is something you put flowers in, while a vahse is admired for its own beauty. Putting flowers in a vahse is like putting wine in a fine crystal goblet. No, wait! That’s not a good analogy!

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It Could Go Viral

J. A. Robinson — Tue, 21 May 2013 04:05:00 +0000

It’s spring, so I don’t see how it could be Halloween! It just doesn’t make sense. Why would they want to put ghosts in their yard this time of year. All I know is that I nearly froze last night. They could have at least put a blanket over us like they do on the beds. I hope that “Garden Linens” isn’t a hot new trend. Humans have come up with stupider ideas.

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And There’s No Ice Maker

J. A. Robinson — Mon, 20 May 2013 10:58:10 +0000

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE RESIDENTS OF THIS TOWN, but some of the visitors are intellectually challenged. The sign is for the bed and breakfast next to me, but you wouldn’t believe how many people ask the owners how much it costs to stay in “that cute little cottage outside.” Their tactful reply usually ends the discussion: “It’s $1,000 per night, but you have to supply your own linens.”

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